blue moon

For the second time in my lifetime we will have a Blue Moon on New Year's Eve according to NASA. In this sense, NASA is using Blue Moon as a reference to the occasion of a fourth moon in one season (usually there are only three). A blue or extra moon occurs every 2 or 3 years. A blue moon on New Year's Eve comes along about every twenty years. I'm not sure that even this rare occurrence will urge me out the door tonight.

I don't need to tell you that 2009 has been a difficult year. After January, I thought I didn't want the year to end. How scary was the thought of forgetting. And back then it seemed that the end of 2009 was symbolically the moment when I couldn't help but to forget. I tried very hard to cling to my memories. I spent nights lying in bed trying to remember every detail of the person who had been my hero for 29 years of my life. Oh lord, oh lord, oh lord. If that was all that happened perhaps I would have spent the remainder of 2009 trying to remember. But life turns on a dime and the trials and tribulations of the next few months left me wanting to forget, needing it. Now, at the end of the year, I am able to look back and reflect. The brief high points look lonely standing next to the myriad of lows. I am not scared of forgetting anymore. I know I'll remember what I need to remember and forget all that I want to forget.
I haven't the highest of hopes for 2010, but it can't get much worse. Can it? So, I stumble towards the locker room rather than taking the victory laps I thought I had coming to me. While I do feel that I am a stronger person for having lived through it all, I still can't help but look back with spite.
Good-bye 2009. Until the day I die, I will curse your name.