Reality Check

I am working on my resolutions list for 2010 and have even contemplated posting them here this year. That kinda freaks me out a little bit because I tend to hold things close to my chest, as they say. We'll see if I get up the nerve. This here is a list, not of resolutions, but a list of "10 Truths" that the author wish she discovered sooner in life. It appeared in Real Simple and I am not sure how I stumbled on to it, but since its that time of year for reflection, on the year that has passed and the year to come, I thought it was a good time to share.

The of Eve of 10

Goodbye 2009. I can't say I am sorry to see you go. I bid you a bittersweet but enthusiastic farewell. This year I grew closer to some and further from others. I fell more and more in love with my daughter and husband but had to say goodbye to one of the most important people in my life. 2010, I beg of you, please be gentle.

I am looking forward to ringing in the New Year with my dear family. As is our custom, we are preparing a grand feast - Hush Puppies with Pepper Jam, Savory Lobster Bread Pudding and "Drumstick" ice cream sundaes. I told Anita about the ice cream this morning and she hasn't stopped talking about it since. The girl loves her some frozen dairy sweetness. And as we feast we will be re-visiting one of our favorite shows of all time - Deadwood! I can't wait.

I hope you have a wonderful and safe New Year's and that 2010 is the best year ever, for us all!

blue moon

For the second time in my lifetime we will have a Blue Moon on New Year's Eve according to NASA. In this sense, NASA is using Blue Moon as a reference to the occasion of a fourth moon in one season (usually there are only three). A blue or extra moon occurs every 2 or 3 years. A blue moon on New Year's Eve comes along about every twenty years. I'm not sure that even this rare occurrence will urge me out the door tonight.

I don't need to tell you that 2009 has been a difficult year. After January, I thought I didn't want the year to end. How scary was the thought of forgetting. And back then it seemed that the end of 2009 was symbolically the moment when I couldn't help but to forget. I tried very hard to cling to my memories. I spent nights lying in bed trying to remember every detail of the person who had been my hero for 29 years of my life. Oh lord, oh lord, oh lord. If that was all that happened perhaps I would have spent the remainder of 2009 trying to remember. But life turns on a dime and the trials and tribulations of the next few months left me wanting to forget, needing it. Now, at the end of the year, I am able to look back and reflect. The brief high points look lonely standing next to the myriad of lows. I am not scared of forgetting anymore. I know I'll remember what I need to remember and forget all that I want to forget.
I haven't the highest of hopes for 2010, but it can't get much worse. Can it? So, I stumble towards the locker room rather than taking the victory laps I thought I had coming to me. While I do feel that I am a stronger person for having lived through it all, I still can't help but look back with spite.
Good-bye 2009. Until the day I die, I will curse your name.

something like a war

Welcome back. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I received many wonderful gifts and spent time with my family and friends, though it wasn't easy. We have only to make it through a few more days before we can kiss 2009 good-bye. I will post more about this later, but I never would have thought that I would be happy to see this year come to an end.
I hope the holidays found you warm and safe and pleasant. Keep up the good work.

Merry Christmas

We will be closed from now through Sunday December 27, 2009. Please have yourselves a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Thank you for your readership.

CLK and budger

wil or nill

A man seeks his own destiny and no other, said the judge. Wil or nill. Any man who could discover his own fate and elect therefore some opposite course could only come at last to that selfsame reckoning at the same appointed time, for each man's destiny is as large as the world he inhabits and contains within it all opposites as well. The desert upon which so many have been broken is vast and calls for largeness of heart but it is also ultimately empty. It is hard, it is barren. Its very nature is stone.

- The Judge
from Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy.

Whoa nellie. This is one that I have struggled with for a long time. Fate vs. free will: a recurring theme in McCarthy's books, as well as East of Eden and my conversations with friends. I had one such conversation yesterday with good friend to this blog ExP (that's esquire to you!). I could not help but sit up last night, thinking about what we had discussed. But I have overthought the concept, my brain is fried and I am of no further use to the discussion today except for one comment. When the storm has chased us into the back of the closet we pray for a turn to fortune (fate). When we are high on our own achievements we walk alone (freewill). Maybe we all inside of us have the need to believe both, and just maybe it doesn't matter which is true. We are in control until we are out of control and so we should learn to operate under both scenarios. High or low, I guess we'll always be learning.
For more perspective, read East of Eden (warning this link contains text from the book).

Also, I am a big fan of Ken Arneson, the creator of the now defunct Baseball Toaster blog. Do yourself a favor some time and go back and read the last post on the old Baseball Toaster entitled And So to Fade Away. It's a sweeping post that reflects on his Swedish heritage, his life as a baseball fan, the great forum he created for talking baseball, it's collapse and his own reflections on moving on. It is a great piece of internet writing. Well, Jon Weisman (former Baseball Toaster writer) of the LA Times has a link today to Ken's new blog, and from the sounds of it it will be a doozy as it does not limit Ken to just baseball. "How do you choose a philosophy?" Are you kidding me? Let's follow along together.

The Pogues are popping up quite a bit on this here blog. It's beginning to feel like 1997 around here.

As previously mentioned by my co-author, Christmas and The Pogues just seem to go together. It's as it is, was and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

One of my favorite memories is Christmas shopping circa 1997, with my 12 years younger, 7 year old brother when Fairytale in New York came on the car radio. He was so excited and astounded that they were actually playing The Pogues on the radio. We were all such big Pogues fans but I guess he thought they were just our little secret. I don't think many of the kids on the playground knew who Shane was when he would talk about going to visit him in Ireland (as he used to fantasize about.) I couldn't help but share in his excitement so we turned the radio up as loud as we could and rolled down the windows and sang our hearts out. To this day, when I hear the song I always turn it up louder than necessary and that feeling of excitement for Christmas and for The Pogues and for my little brother, returns.

In Europe, during the holidays, the song continues to chart year after year; allowing Christmas memories, serenaded by Shane and Kirsty, to continue. As it is, was and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

Merry Christmas! Turn up the music, open the presents and save room for pie and cookies!

new top ten

Recent Playlist:

Wrecking Ball - Gillian Welch
The Parting Glass - The Pogues
Something on Your Mind - Karen Dalton
Jangle Town - Nikki Sudden & the Jacobites
Back on the Street Again - Lee Hazelwood
Democracy - Leonard Cohen
I Love You - Asie Payton
Bad Girl (Part #1) - Lee Moses
Gassenhauer - Carl Orff
Both Sides Now - Mystic Moods Orchestra

One of those songs will most likely be played at my wedding.

inbetweeens

Last weekend: got shocked twice while putting up lights for Grandma A and then ate at Lupe's again. Grandma A will only eat at maybe two or three places so we know where my dad gets that annoying habit.
If you think really hard can you tell the difference between the marginally good minutes and the marginally bad ones? I mean you waste time sitting in traffic or else you spend time sitting on the phone looking forward to the moment when somebody will answer. In this example, we feel boredom and anticipation. We know which we'd prefer but how can we quantify the difference? If we could take the Pepsi challenge but with marginal moments could we even taste the difference? I spent quite a while waiting for somebody to take my order at Lupe's and yet I wasn't the least bit upset. But the hours it took me to put up the lights this year, only to watch some of the strands go out once I'd finished, seemed excruciating. You would think the emotions would have been the opposite. It certainly wasn't the task, as I relish the time spent working outside with my hands. I spent the afternoon disappointed in myself for worrying about things that I can't control. You could say that I was worried about worrying. But in the end, I did not pass the time in a way that was much if at all different from the time I spent at Lupe's.
So what's the deal? The obvious answer is that the difference between these two moments is frame of mind. Yes, this certainly is the first answer that came to my mind and it's the real point that I am getting at. We all know that our lives are made better by the great and beautiful moments; we remember and are effected by the most difficult times. But the marginal moments in life change us too, if only in small ways. I know I shouldn't be effected by either the bad service or the fact that I am a nutcase about certain things. Yet, it is easier for me to handle one of those situations than the other. I plan to improve on this. So lets make a pact. Let's try to take the moments for what they are and allocate the appropriate amount of thought and energy. Ok? As for me and the foibles that cause my undue concern, I look to adapt. There are certain facets of my personality that I cannot change, but I can learn to accept them and to learn to work around them. If only I was so worldly as to never feel hurt, then I would never worry. But, I take heart in the fact that although life is sometimes very difficult, I am better prepared than most to deal with it's highs and lows. Let's just try to limit the lows and not sweat the small stuff. And, yes, that even means ignoring my dad's penchant for eating at the same restaurant all the time.

historical pine trees

Doug fir's and Noble fir's of a political persuasion.

Hat tip to This Recording.

Advice for Girls and Boys...

Both of these websites have become daily must-reads for me. I found the 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son, first, awhile back, and it has consistently made me smile and even laugh out loud. Obviously, it is not just boys, born or unborn, who can benefit. And I was super excited to now find a website, 500 Pieces of Prudent Advice for My Baby Daughter, focused on helpful hints or rules for a happy and fulfilling life for girls. And again, it is not just girls, or the young who can benefit from these important words of witty wisdom! Take a look and see if you agree.

5 green queens and jean

My plans waver between the great and the mediocre. First, I was going to post the lyrics to this song just to throw something up here during this busy time. Then I aspired to write a monster post about the nearly endless historical references in the lyrics of Pogues songs. But then work and life obligations grabbed me by the shirt collar and demanded that I temper expectations. So I am left pursuing a more modest goal. I would like to post something more than the minimum, however.
I have been listening to my Christmas music lately, trying to get in the mood. Phil Specter, Beach Boys, Sinatra, Elvis. It's not doing anything for me this year. The lights and decorations are up. Aside from the Mr. and Mrs. Frosty salt and pepper shakers and a few ornaments there isn't much to display though. The other day I watched Elf. It's just all not working. The magic isn't there this year and I can't recall it being there much last year either. Too bad. I lamented the loss and wondered why I can't seem to reconnect with those feelings that once upon a winter's moon I took for granted.
And then I listened to the Pogues on my way to La Jolla the other day. It was a cold night and the music, the moon and the sea breeze just mixed so perfectly so as to blow in a forgotten memory from that purgatory where lost memories go. I was reminded of Christmas lights in Newport, walks on the beach, the changing leaves around school and listening to the Pogues endlessly. It was the sort of memory that transcended any one night but rather represented a recurring feeling I once had over the course of many such nights. I felt Christmas and other such feelings that I once thought so integral to life. Oh, but what a good song can do for you.

I recall the moment
Before it slipped away
When 5 green queens
On a black bin bag
Meant all the world to me

And I recall the moment
More distant than it seems
When 5 green queens
On a black bin bag
Meant all the world to me

And I recall the moment
Much closer than it seems
When 5 green queens
On a black bin bag
Meant all the world to me

And I recall the moment
Before it slipped away
When 5 green queens
On a black bin bag
Meant all the world to me

5 green queens & Jean

The feeling, as you might imagine, was fleeting. I have listened to the Pogues almost exclusively over the past few days trying to recapture that spirit but there seem to be a few ingredients missing from the recipe. I have racked my brain for the answer (for longer than I care to mention) to this dilemma. So I will turn it over to you. If you have an answer or a theory, go ahead and post it. Am I searching for what is not lost? Are the forces at play external or internal? Do I really have a hand in my forgetting?
The nostalgia of this song kills me. It makes me want to cherish things more than I really should. Still, whether the memory above is worthy or not it still is my memory. So, it goes in the box with everything else; my wooden testament to living. Or is it my concrete monument to not forgetting? You forget more things than you'll ever remember and this song reminds me of how much of life you lose and can never get back.

I always imagined that 5 green queens was some sort of design on a black bag that Jean must have owned when Shane knew her. It seems it was a reference to a dice game.



London You're a Lady or The Broad Majestic Shannon were the other songs that hit me on a gut level that night. [Go ahead, make the obvious joke.]

blind mom needs to look in mirror

You may remember a while back I posted a link to the hilarious and somewhat scary Michael at the Dentist book at Sweet-Juniper.com. Well, have I got a follow-up post for you. My Mom Can't See is my new favorite book in a series of posts on Sweet-Juniper entitled Terrifying Nixon Era Children's Books.

Same deal as the last time. Some of the text is real and some is fake and all of it is funny.


"I hate going to foreign films with my [blind] mom."

Girl Crush

I have lots of girl crushes. My latest one, and perhaps my most nerdy, is Elizabeth Warren. It's a little weird but I seriously get excited and giddy when she appears on Frontline or NPR or The Daily Show as the resident economic expert and voice of calm and rationality. She is all about defending and giving voice to the disappearing middle class. Swoon.

Elizabeth, you are the bee's knees.

Born to be Badass

I can't remember how I happened on this website but it is both funny and educational. Whose your favorite badass?

Stylin..

Can you imagine being so stylish that a museum does a exhibition based on your said style? Yeah, me neither.

Rad.

This website is simply radical. I have been wasting entirely too much time on here. Yet another bit of coolness introduced to me by this website.

random

Sorry, still busy. I re-discovered this oldie but goodie last night as I was dawdling on the internet. Always makes me laugh.

Thank you Onion.
Hat tip jmh.

Music to my ears...

all i want for christmas

Busy week kids. So it will be a bit of gallimaufry from me.

I have something that I would like to add to my Christmas List. This particular typewriter is for sale by it's current owner. It is well used and in declining working order. Hopefully it is cheap.

But really what would you do with such a thing. Put it on display? Hold it as an investment? Not a bad idea. It won't lend you magical writing skills. It won't make you smarter and you certainly won't understand life, mortality or humanity any better than you do now. So unless you are Nelson Rockefeller, save your pennies Gilly, someday you'll have a lot of pennies.

Hat tip to Ready for the House. One of my very favorite blogs.

books of the year - 2009

The Financial Times list of books of the year is out.

Man, they sure can make every work of fiction sound amazing. Also, if you are 20 months old and need a new book, there is a Children's section as well.

joshua tree

Through wind storms, cold fronts, hail storms, rain storms and even a mild snow storm we survived. The high points were hiking up Ryan's mountain (no pun intended) and night photography. I haven't downloaded all the photos yet but here are a few that I did download.
[Sorry if a couple of the pics look blown out. They looked a lot better before I uploaded them.]





1) rain's coming
2) painted desert
3) i call this winter tree
4) dinosaur rock
5) skull rock
6) orion
7) interstellar space travel

turkey day

Happy Turkey Day to you and yours.
We will be out of commission from now until Monday.

As for me, I will be out of cell phone range as well.
I'll be settin' around staring at these:

I hope my favorite college football team can manage to eek out a win without my buoyant fandom around to "help."

Happy T-Day!

I am so excited that Thanksgiving is almost here! I am starting my baking today and getting all ready and packed so we can head up to my family's house tomorrow to enjoy the day, the company and the food. This year I am bringing green bean casserole (from scratch - no canned soup nonsense), which I make every year and this new stuffing recipe which I have been dreaming about ever since I first spied the recipe on Food52. I am also going to try and make some cinnamon rolls which were a tradition of my Grandma's to enjoy with dinner or the next morning with leftovers. I am so excited to eat myself silly with creamed corn, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and of course the pie! I hope everyone has a very Happy Turkey or Tofurkey Day! I will be back to posting on Monday.

creamed corn

2 Tbsp butter
1 Cup chopped onions
1 Tbsp flour
2 ½ Cups half and half
2 (16 ounce) packages frozen yellow corn, thawed and well drained
     Sub 4-5 Ears of Corn
2 Tbsp diced green Anaheim or Jalapeno chiles
Seasoned salt and Cayenne pepper to taste
1 Tbsp sugar
2/3 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
Shaved Gruyere cheese pieces for top

NOTE: I prefer to add a LOT more gruyere. So you can sub some gruyere for parmesan.

In a large skillet or saucepan, heat butter until melted. Add onions and saute over high heat until soft, about 2 to 3 mins. Stir in flour and cook, stirring, 1 min. Gradually whisk in half and half. Heat to boiling over medium high heat, whisking often, until thickened. Stir in well drained corn and chiles and bring back to boiling. Stir in seasoned salt, cayenne pepper, sugar and 1/3 cup parmesan cheese.

Transfer to a shallow 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Sprinkle with remaining 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese and top with Gruyere cheese pieces. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven 10 to 15 min. to melt cheese and until top is golden. Garnish with jalapeno chile slices.

***By the way, this is our 100th post. Thanks for reading.

grandma a's house

1. gnarly bougainvillea trunk
2. plumeria
3. behind the garage
4. rock garden
5. backyard
6. snack time
7. kitchen
8. flower arranging
9. spare bedroom
10. bedroom altar
11. garden statue
12. tv room
13. gramp's space
14. gram's room
15. front room
16. closing the blinds
17. garage
18. front yard flower beds
19. sitting on the porch
20. patio
21. clothesline against a charged sky